It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
