Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I have fence marks all over my body
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
