Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
