my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
now i know why i became what i already was.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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