How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
