I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
