Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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