WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Randomize
