Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
