I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
