I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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