I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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