i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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