Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
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