No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
