her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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