When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
My vagina just recognized that song.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
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