he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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