His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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