My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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