I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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