I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize
