there's paper in my vomit.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
