I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
