Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
