I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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