i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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