First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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