Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Found your dick twin last night
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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