based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
