she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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