Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize