Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
