Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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