I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
