he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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