Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
