I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
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