Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Randomize
