96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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