mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
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