we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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