i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
