Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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