we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize
