Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
