He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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