You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
