You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
