Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
