Im at strip club and am horny
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
