I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
