New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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