either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
