their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize
