I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
