first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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