No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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