Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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