why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
