Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
