Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
