I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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