i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
