Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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