fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
