We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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