Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
