Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
